And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
