Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
They took my balls.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
