My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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