The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
