nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
