Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
