Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
