this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
