we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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