is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
