apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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