A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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