I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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