sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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