the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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