If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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