At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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