Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Randomize
