watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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