NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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