If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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