But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
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I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
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do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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