you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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