If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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