I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
