Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
