I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
