apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
