I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
