I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
