I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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