If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
