And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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