yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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