Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
