Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
