I'm so fucking centered right now
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
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It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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