i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
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I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
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im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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