The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
he fucked my hip out of place.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Randomize
