Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
