You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
