Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
