I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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