walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
only you would photoshop your dick
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
