Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
