6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
