waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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