the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
