I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
