Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
