hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
