I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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