The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
