i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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