I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
