i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
