my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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