Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
