I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
