From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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