I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
stop calling my apartment porn island.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
