I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
