Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I want her autograph on my taint
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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