ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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