Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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