I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
