We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
