im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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