Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
