dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
