Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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